The Big Bang Theory returns to E4 for season eight this Thursday at 8:30pm. So, to celebrate, we’ve collected the worst quotes from the last seven seasons. Bazinga! We actually think they’re the best ones.
Penny: So, what do you guys do for fun around here?
Sheldon: Well, today we tried masturbating for money.
Sheldon: I’ll have a diet Coke.
Penny: Can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.
Sheldon: Fine. I’ll have a virgin Cuba Libre.
Penny: That’s rum and Coke, without the rum?
Sheldon: Yes, and would you make it diet?
Leonard: Sheldon, why is this letter in the trash?
Sheldon: Well, there’s always the possibility that a trash can spontaneously formed around the letter, but Occam’s Razor would suggest that someone threw it out.
Sheldon: The only way she’d be able to make a contribution to science is if they resume sending chimps into space.
Sheldon’s variation of Rock Paper Scissors:
Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporises rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Raj: I don’t like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You’re afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.
Raj: If anyone’s interested, I’ll be spending this Valentine’s in the same way I spend every Valentine’s. Buying disoriented chicken from the supermarket, taking home, standing over the sink and eating out of the packet with my bare hands like an animal.
Howard: I lost my virginity to my cousin, Jeanie. It was my Uncle Murray’s funeral, we were all back at my Aunt Barbara’s house. Our eyes locked over the pickled herring. We never meant for it to happen. To this day, I can’t look at pickled herring without being aroused and ashamed. Oh, cousin Jeanie.
Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-Men?
Sheldon: No. The X-men were named for the “X” in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-Men.
Penny: How’s your life?
Amy: Like everybody else’s, subject to entropy, decay and eventual death. Thank you for asking.
Raj: I haven’t cried this hard since Toy Story 3.
Penny: Sheldon have you changed your wireless password again?
Sheldon: Yes, it’s “Penny get your own WiFi”; no spaces.
Penny: This girl is trouble! What kind of relationship is it where you buy her gifts and she gives you sex?
Raj: The best one I’ve ever had!
Raj: Come on, Sheldon, Star Wars.
Howard: I’m pushing play. I mean it. If we don’t start soon, George Lucas is going to change it again.
Amy: Oh … are we nervous, Dr Cooper?
Sheldon: No. What you see is a man trembling with confidence.
Sheldon: Feelings? What am I? A hippy at a love-in?
Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I’m sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon’s work, your sex life is also theoretical?
Raj: I like you a lot and that’s scary for me. Mostly because you’re a proven flight risk.
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That’s true, you’d rust.
Howard: Since we all agree Episode 1 isn’t our favourite, why not just skip it this time?
Sheldon: Howard, I think you of all people should avoid espousing the principle that if something is not our favourite we should just get rid of it.